omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
