I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
