Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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