I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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