omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
