even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
