I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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