I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
