did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize