I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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