Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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