I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
