did you get engaged???
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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