everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
