if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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