if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
