first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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