so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
