there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
