i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
