Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Congratulations! We have a period
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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