At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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