i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think i have two assholes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
