I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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