I seem to have left my pride at pride
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
