remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
