I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
