You can't special order awesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
