I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
