We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
