Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
