You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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