Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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