the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
