I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
