I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
