At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to make out with him forever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
