haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
