Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
