I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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