Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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