Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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