Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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