I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
