the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i think i just lost a toe
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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