If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
