Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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