You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
