Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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