New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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