did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its not stalking. its research.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
