I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
