Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
