thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
