You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
PANTIES FOUND
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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