420 ftw
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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