I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
