i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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