It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
