Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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