i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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