watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The Olympian is in my bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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