I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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