dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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