I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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