just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
